4. September 2008 by Julie.

Sorry its been awhile.  Life has been busy and hell, I’ve been enjoying my lil guy so much.  I feel like there’s not enough time in the day anymore.  I try to give equal attention to Thomas at night  to make sure he doesn’t feel left out.  I think I’m more worried about that than he is. Well, My girlfriend Karin had her baby.  And yes!!  Its a boy also.  Kolton is his name and he was 6lbs. 1 oz.  I visited her today and both are doing well.  He’s a week old and Ryan next to him looks like a tank.  It was so funny.  Ryan is only 7lbs but next to a new newborn he’s huge.  Ryan is doing well.  He’s a good sleeper during the day.  Already on a schedule with napping.  At night he sleeps good at first and after that first wake up it goes down hill.  He’s wide eyed at 4am but he’s smiling and cooing.  How could I not talk to him.  Tom wishes I would shut up and go back to bed but Ryan looks so darn cute, I have to chat with the little fella. 

Well, it was Thomas’s first day of 5th grade.  I can’t believe he’s this old already and here I’m starting all over again.  I didn’t go back to school this year and I’m missing it.  Its just getting into a new routine I guess.  I miss all my friends at school and the kids.  We did a lot of laughing.  Kids can have such a sense of humor.  I have to find out how my Josh did.  He doesn’t have me or an aid this year and we sad that I wasn’t going to be there with him.  I hope he did okay.

Saturday, it is our 11th year anniversary.  Tom is taking me out to dinner downtown to an awesome steak house.  I love steak.  It’ll be nice to have a date night with him.  Its been quite sometime.  I feel like 11 years is a long time with everything we’ve been through but I wouldn’t trade him for the world even though he still can’t find certain things without my help. Typical man.  Well, life is hectic with football, Ryan, and now school but this is what I’ve wanted for a long time.  Chaos, stress, love, craziness, its all good. Its all normal!!  Thanks for checking in. Thanks for your support.  Don’t forget my baby girl.  She gave Ryan her blue eyes.  She’s our angel and we miss her even more. We love you sweetheart and we thank you for sending another angel down to us.  Signing off……

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21. August 2008 by Julie.

Well today I made the mistake of watching the video Tom put together after Jessie passed away.  Why I watched it? Who knows but I did.  Looking back she was a 6 month old trapped in a 2 year old body. And near the end she looked miserable.  Asolutely miserable.  I can’t believe all that we went through with her. I forgot so many things.  That poor baby suffered.  I felt so bad and I cried and cried throughout the whole thing. I wish I could have her back here with Ryan and Thomas. God I pray that Ryan is really healthy and we have no surprises in the future.  I’ll be good when he passes his year old check-up.  But He’s good.  He slept over 4 hrs last night.  I lay in bed and watch him sleep.  I actually watch his body move up and down making sure he’s breathing.  He is just so sweet and beautiful. His room is all complete and its the brightest room I’ve ever seen.  I didn’t intentionally do it that way but its cute.  Its a bright green on top with cream and blue stripes on bottom.  The theme is Frogs.  I’ll take pictures and put them up.  I know, you all are waiting for Tom to put up other pics.  That’ll happen too.  I promise.  Well life is still great here even though I had my “closet time”  Remember those days?  Anyway, thank you Kerry Figuerido for that cute Gap outfit.  It’ll be perfect for mid-football season.

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18. August 2008 by Julie.

Things are continuing to go well.  Ryan is just so adorable.  He’s an extremely good baby except for the fact he’s very gassy.  I’ve tried to look online about gassy babies and breastfeeding but they don’t say too much.  most say cut out dairy which I’m trying today.  The pooor baby passes gas like a man. I feel sorry for him.  He fusses a lot because of it. So hopefully it’ll pass as he gets older.  he hasn’t had any spells since on the caffiene which is nice.  Only a few more weeks of the medicine and we’ll see how he does after that. He’s sleeping okay through the night.  He still gets up every 3 hrs sometimes more if he falls asleep during feeding.  Ya know how that is! 

Anyway, Thomas is busy with football now and pretty soon he’ll be in school. Its going to be weird not going back with him.  I’m still kind of torn but I’ll take my time with Ryan , I guess and take advantage of it.  Thomas doesn’t mind either. I just love working with the people I do.  I’ll miss the kids more importantly.  Especially my lil Josh. Well, I have to go.  I’m going on my walk with my boys. (sounds weird)  Thanks for checking in. I’ll get some pics on the page soon.  Take care and enjoy your week.

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10. August 2008 by Julie.

Ryan is doing well.  Sorry for the delay in updates but we have been experiencing computer problems with our wireless connection which goofs up our internet.  It took a few days to really get into a routine.  It was hard getting used to things again.  We were so used to putting Jessie down and being able to have her sit/lay in one spot for hours without moving or fussing.  Ryan fusses or is wide awake or wants to be held and it was like I had no time to do anything.  But its all good now.  I just sit and stare at him.  He’s a good baby.  He eats every 3 hrs. around the clock.  The night isn’t bad because he barely cries.  He just stirs around until I pick him up. Breastfeeding is going a lot better than I would have ever thought. Everything is working out perfect.  Thomas has been a trooper too.  Sometimes I wouldn’t mind fast forwarding by a few months because I’m still worried about the infant stages and making sure Ryan is okay.  I took him to see Dr Tjaden.  Can’t forget Dr. Tjaden.  Ryan is in the 50 percent tile for weight and height and doing good.  So all in all, I can take a deep breath for now.  Thank you for all your sweet messages, your nice cards that I have recieved from you in the mail and Brink family from Wyoming…thank you for the adorable baby gap outfit.  It’ll fit him perfectly by the Fall.  I’ll be putting some more pictures on the page soon.  Thank you for checking in…enjoy your week.

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31. July 2008 by Julie.

Ryan Passed his test and we are home.  Its so weird to have him home.  My mom and I sat at the kitchen table before taking him out of his car seat and just stared at him forever.  He’s so cute.  Yeah!! We are home. Finally!!  And to the Buttolph Family…thank you for dropping by with Ryan’s gift.  They outfits are adorable.  What a great surprise.  Thanks to all for your support.  I’ll update later.  But he’s home!!!!  That’s all that matters

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31. July 2008 by Julie.

Today is the big day!!!  And I’m a basket case.  I’m sweating and I have an upset stomach.  I should be used to this, eh?  And all I can do today is think of Jessica. I think having the monitor home and all brings back memories. I’m nervous too. Tom and Thomas went to Milwaukee today for the Cubs game.  Something that they have planned for 4 months for Thomas’s b-day.  Tom wanted to cancel but Thomas was looking forward to spending the day with his dad and Tom’s parents. He needs this.  So my mom took the day off of work to come with me.  Plus, its so hard to say goodbye to those wonderful nurses. You build such a relationship with them.  They snuggle with Ryan and fight over him.  You couldn’t ask for better care than that.  I think in years to come when Ryan is older I’m going to school to be a neonatal nurse.  Its something I have felt that was my calling. I’d pass with flying colors after all this.  Well, gotta fly…….gotta vacuum, dust, and wash the dog so everything is clean.  I’ll update later tonight……Thanks for all your messages

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30. July 2008 by Julie.

I have had an overwhelming response for my email so here it is……

julie@babyjessica.net

I hope to get them out this weekend. 

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30. July 2008 by Julie.

Ryan is doing well. Its promising that he’s coming home tomorrow because they scheduled a time tonight to teach Tom and I how to work the apnea monitor and to give us a quick lesson on infant CPR.  Today I sent my fertility doctor a picture of Ryan and said a big thank you to him for making this possible too.  He was wonderful. I know that they will be excited. This weekend my neighbor Michele is giving me a baby shower. It’ll be fun because our neighborhood is filled with great people. A lot of laughs.  As soon as Ryan gets home, I’ll be sending out baby announcements.  I’m going to do something a bit different so I hope it works out.  I hope it doesn’t take too long to get them.  So if you would like one and I don’t have your address, please send me an email with it.  I would love to send you all one.  You guys are our extended family. How could I thank you for always being here to support us?  We’ve been on an amazing journey. Tears and laughs! And now we’ll build new memories with Ryan and cherish the old ones with Jessie.  Soon we will be a family without any tubes, medicines, and nurses but with an angel who will be watching us keeping us safe.

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29. July 2008 by Julie.

Ryan continues to grow stronger and he is having the 3 day test again this week to see if he is having any more apnea spells.  They started him on caffeine which stimulates the brain stem to tell his body to breathe.  Very common and babies are usually only on it for a month.  Again its a maturity thing.  So for all you pregnant moms out there.  Continue to drink your daily Starbucks.  It doesn’t hurt.  I cut out all caffeien basically and if I only knew I would have continued my coffee habits.  Sometimes they tell mothers to drink coffee when they are breastfeeding for the same purposes.  In fact, in Sweden mothers give their babies half coffee in thier bottles with their formulas.  And you know what?  They have the lowest rate for SIDS and healthier babies. Interesting fact for the day!  Anyhoot, I started painting over Jessica’s room.  It looks so different already. I can’t think about it too much or else I get mad.  I don’t know why but I do.  I just want her room to stay the same forever. I feel like now there nothing left of her.  Memories, I know but that is not the same.  I miss her. And I’ll worry until Ryan is 4 that there is nothing wrong with him. Yesterday, he was really squirmy and acted like he was gassy and the nurse said he didn’t poop all day.  So here I’m thinking maybe there is something wrong with his intestines or whatever. So I was nervous as to why he was so fidgety.  Hopefully he’ll just have an explosion and feel better. We hope to bring him home on Thursday.  I’ll call this time so there aren’t any surprises.  He’ll be brought home on the monitor for a  month or so but that’s nothing Tom and I are used to.  So I’m still making trip a couple times a day.  Thomas started football camp this week so Tom meets me there and then I take off for the hospital at night.  Thank you for the continued messages and for checking in.  We’ll get more pictures on the page in the next day or so.  Thank you for all your contiued support also.  Have a good week and try to enjoy the nice weather.  Signing off……

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25. July 2008 by Julie.

Well Ryan didn’t come home today.  He failed his test miserably.  He had too many Apnea spells they thought. So they put him on medicine and will repeat the 3 day test again on Monday.  Of course when I got to the NICU and saw Tom holding Ryan giving me that “look” I cried.  We were so excited.  Thomas was even more excited.  None of the nurses expected him to fail.  They were as shocked as we were but yet siad this was very typical.  I’m so sick of hospitals. I just want him home. I’m sick of pumping every 2 hrs and then having to bring it to the hospital for night feeds, pulling the curtains closed when I want to nurse him, having to answer to the nurses when I can change his diaper or take his temprature.  I just want to love him at home.  I hate leaving him there.  I hate kissing him goodbye and not being able to see him until the next morning. Let’s hope it is just one more week.  We need to be home altogether.  Have a good weekend.  I’ll update later.

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